Benji && Birdie

It took him some solid moments to make up his mind whether  he wants to talk or not. Birdie was one of his stable points in his life, what's count was minimal. He's known her since he was a freshly legal man and the woman witnessed him growing into a mourning mess. What did he mourn? Himself. He didn't even try to get through the popular five phases of grief, he was fine with staying in one. His world was surrounded by nothing, but sadness and darkness what seemed to be immortal, just like him.
He curled his fingers around the bottle, the alcohol didn't affect his system, but he took deep, long sips from the dry drink. The bitter liquid washed away his silence, he needed his well trusted ally. He looked at Birdie as someone he could trust with his life if needed, and although he'd never admit, she was the only one who knew about his deepest regrets and darkest thoughts. "Two years has passed and I still have no idea what to do next. I like being here, working here but fuck, I haven't seen sunlight in ages!" he said, but the Sun wasn't the one he was missing. He tended to ditch every topic what was related to his lost beloved ones. On one side, Euphorie, his sister who was a victim of a curel homicide by her former lover. On the other hand, there was Medorah, the apple of his eyes who he missed with every fiber of his being. He had another sip, wiping his mouth with his sleeve. His eyes turned empty, like he and his old self fell into an abyss with no light. "I tried to write a letter to Mela. Like a pity, love letter filled with updates of my nonexistent life, you know?" he raised his eyebrows, his jaw clenched as he laid the bottle on the table. "I fucking wrote it, but you know what came to my mind? That Mela doesn't give a single shit about me anymore. Maybe this whole love story turned one sided by me, maybe she's moved on, maybe while I'm talking about her, she doesn't even think of me." he whimpered, trying to hold his tears back. After a deep breath, the wet signs of his sorrow faded away. "And it just hurts, I hurt... and I'm so done with dealing with my past. I came from a high-achieving family, and where am I now? No offense, I don't mean the bar, I mean my circumstances. Pathetic, little guy with no one." his words splattered from his mouth, covered in loathing. What he hated more than he hated himself is the fact he couldn't accept and love the person he turned into. He tried to start a new life, but he didn't have the courage and strength to do so. "So..." he raised his drink again, gently tilting it to the side. "Any ideas why I shouldn't burst into tears everytime I remember how much of a mess I am?" he puckered his lips, waiting for her response.

Benji && Birdie

The night was young, the darkness slowly took over everything. It looked like God decided to cover the whole city with his special, star printed curtain, giving Washington blue and cold colors. It looked like Benjamin's soul; lost. The void was gently consuming him, but he didn't want to escape. He didn't fight back, he just let the sadness be in charge for the night. He hated everything, including himself - and once you hate yourself, it's hard to find the light.
His steps lead him to the bar where he's working. His shift wasn't even close to begin, but he was already there. Ben wasn't sure what to do, but he was sure he didn't want to stay in his room, crying for mercy from some nonexistent God. He wasted two years praying for brighter days but those days never came. He was stuck between living and dying. He barely counted himself as a person. He was just a body who can't escape reality.
He looked at the laughing people through the glass and felt grossed out from their happiness. What are they so happy for? Why can't Ben be this delightful? Why can't he laugh like them? Jealousy overflew his mind, he wanted to be them.
Ben opened the door, due to his strength, this movement caused some objects to fall down and cause a mess. Birdie could know he's in his mood, whenever he's angry and in pain, he opens the door like a wild animal. He quickly picked everything up and put it back to their place, glancing at the people around him. They were all staring at him like Ben was a freak and this was nothing more than a freakshow. He clenched his jaw and headed to the back office where he usually stays. His boss and friend in one person was already there.
"I didn't break anything this time, I promise." he started with this opening line. He sat down, hiding his face before Birdie can notice the physical marks of his emotional state. His eyes were swollen from crying, his cheeks were skinnier than ever from starving, his skin was rather purplish than human. "I know what you're thinking, I should be at home to rest, but I can't be alone right now." he mumbled under his breath, opening up a folder to grab some papers. But those papers reminded him of the love letter he tore into million pieces an hour ago. His heart was in pieces as well. "Can we talk?" his tone was lighter this time as he finally looked at Birdie. He felt vulnerable and in fact, he was.